Fearless

So most of my blogs have been pretty specific on the joys and challenges of being a stepmom and how we can use our faith to help us navigate those tricky waters. However, as I was reading through my current devotional book this morning I realized that I have created a narrow lens for us to view this role from. Too ofter we use our titles to define who we are: wife, mom, stepmom, sister, co-worker, etc. But the place we should be operating from is “child of God” first and foremost and they way we operate in those roles should flow from that true identity.

I admit in the latest season of my life, I have been trying to live out my roles via my own strength. I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good stepmom. I want to be a successful business owner. But in reality I’ve been trying to juggle the stresses and weight out of my own strength and have been dishing up plates of pride and fear while my heart has suffered some sort of anemia in my walk with the Lord.

I have had so many people in my life over the last few months point out how anxious I’ve become. My husband and I are in a trying season financially right now as we have transitioned from traditional 9 to 5 jobs to running a business as independent musicians, and as much as I feel this is the calling the Lord has for us, I have become paralyzed by fear and weighed down with pride. I find myself focusing on the struggles on this calling instead of focusing on how much the Lord has provided throughout this season and the doors that have opened. I have been grumbling in my heart and letting my worry take its toll on my body physically instead of choosing to let God work out the details and simply provide in His own way.

So often we want to do things our way all the time. Lately I have been quite verbal about that, but that is not what God has been trying to get through this thick skull of mine. We are not entitled to anything and yet have been given a life of eternity and grace through the death and resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ. How prideful of me to think I deserve more than this.

I have recently been reading a book by Max Lucado, “Fearless”. Ironically it has been on my Kindle for the last two years, but I’m finally taking the time to read it. This morning I was reading a chapter in which Lucado points out that seasons are natural. In one of the later chapters he writes:

“When it comes to earth, we understand God’s management strategy. Nature needs winter to rest and spring to awaken. We don’t dash into underground shelters at the sight of spring’s tree buds. Autumn colors don’t prompt warning sirens. Earthly seasons don’t upset us. But unexpected personal ones certainly do.”

When I read those words I was immediately humbled. As my husband and I make our tour preparations for touring this fall, I find myself saying things like “Oh won’t it be so beautiful if we could see the leaves change in the Aspens. or spend some of the winter in California?” It is easy to find beauty in the changing earthly seasons. But as the seasons change in my personal life right now – the kids are both in high school and spreading their wings of independence, our finances are struggling as we follow the path the Lord has set out for us, and the feeling of disconnection from our family and church body is constantly weighing heavy on our hearts – I find myself frustrated and fearful.

I challenge you, just as I’m challenging myself today, to find the beauty in the season you are in. To see the color changes and know the harsh cold winds may start to blow, but the creator has a purpose for this very moment will bring peace if you let it. Embrace a spirit of gratitude and fall back into the arms of your Savior. Every moment of this life is preparing us for the next one. Trust Him that His plan is greater and His love for you runs deeper, and just as the winter is necessary for the spring, there is a master plan for the seasons in your personal life as well.

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