Every year I say I’m not going to get behind on the blog. I was doing so well throughout the fall that I actually thought I was going to break my streak! I even told you we’d have a series!! And then the holidays happened along with a dose of illness…ugh! Sometimes our best laid plans and good intentions still leave us stranded on the side of the road, but eventually we find the missing part, fill the tank back up with gas and we’re rolling again. And rolling again for me means I’m back at my computer with a cup of coffee and my laptop open wishing you a very happy new year.
I want to thank so many of you for your emails these last couple of months as I have been diligently trying to nail down the marriage series. There are so many different combinations of stepfamliies it is honestly hard to know where to begin. My husband and I have spent hours talking about all the different topics we could address and thanks to your comments and suggestions we are seeing it begin to take shape. Part of what is taking so long on this series is that I am working with my husband to have sort of an interview style podcast for you – to give you something to listen to and let’s be honest, if I had my husband type out all of his responses we’d be waiting awhile. We’ll be able to start recording next week and I’m hoping to have the first part of the series up at the beginning of February.
Now for the good stuff…Everyone keeps asking me what 2015 holds. No doubt you’ve been asking yourself that too! The honest answer is I don’t know. I know that we’ll be at a lot of baseball games, marching band competitions, visiting colleges with my oldest stepson and crying through his senior year, but as for what’s in store for me personally I really don’t know. My husband and I spent 2014 traveling around the country promoting our music, playing shows, visiting radio stations, building a dream and all was going well until I fell ill in late august with a lower abdominal pain that just seemed to intensify with each passing week. I pushed through and finished out the tour, but losing momnetum was inevitable and with each month I kept feeling worse and worse and the doctors still have not figured out exactly what’s going on. So instead of releasing another song and gearing up for festival tours, we’re spending the first part of this year resting and waiting for some results of a surgery to hopefully shed some light on why I’m experiencing so much pain. Not the way I was planning on starting out my year and I have been experiencing quite a bit of disappointment because of it. I appreciate your prayers during this time, and please keep my husband and stepkids in your prayers as well because I am usually the one pushing them and now I’m down for the count.
This leads me to what I want to talk about today – it’s not just about being a stepmom this time but rather being human. What do we do when we feel like God is not providing direction or blessing in our lives? I’ll be honest I have been quite frustrated and even angry these last few months. Why would we be brought out to the wilderness to die? Haven’t I been following His will? When everything was pointing to step out on faith didn’t I follow? All these questions lead to the ultimate feeling of “Where is God?” Deep down, when I look through the lens of eternity I know God has not left me and He has not forsaken me, but here in this temporal existence where the desires of the flesh are so intense it is easy to feel lost and out of His sight. I know I am being held, but not in the gentle and soft way that I desire but instead it feels like I am being held in a cold cell alone and asked to wait until someone comes and opens the door. I’m not even sure what I’m waiting on – I want to run and yet everything around me is slowing me down. In times like these all I know is to cling to the truth in His word despite feeling abandonded. I think of all the Psalms that speak to waiting, cling to the story of Abraham and Sarah waiting on their promise from the Lord, and remember the beloved verse in Jeremiah that claims the Lord knows His plans for me.
I may not know what’s next, and it is likely that you don’t either. Let’s do this together. Let’s encourage each other to wait on the Lord and to remember His promises even when it is hard. I pray blessing for you and your family at the start of this new year. We don’t know what it is going to hold but we can meet here and encourage each other.